Musical Jokes

The website of the Oratorio Society of New York boasts an exhaustive list of music-related jokes. I haven’t made my way through to the end yet (not sure I’ll ever have that much time on my hands), but I would especially recommend the humor on “Composer Effects.”

Composer Effects
The Mozart Effect
A new report now suggests that the Mozart effect may be a fraud. For you hip urban professionals: no, playing Mozart for your designer baby may not improve his IQ or help him get into that exclusive pre-school. He’ll just have to be admitted to Harvard some other way.
Of course, we’re all better off for listening to Mozart purely for the pleasure of it. However, one wonders that if playing Mozart sonatas for little Hillary or Jason could boost their intelligence, what would happen if other composers were played in their developmental time?
LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.
BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.
WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.
MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume that he’s dying.
SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he’s used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.
BABBITT EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child doesn’t care because all his playmates think he’s cool.
IVES EFFECT: the child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
GLASS EFFECT: the child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
STRAVINSKY EFFECT: the child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.
BRAHMS EFFECT: the child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.
AND THEN OF COURSE, THE CAGE EFFECT — CHILD SAYS NOTHING FOR 4 MINUTES, 33 SECONDS. PREFERRED BY 9 OUT OF 10 CLASSROOM TEACHERS.

February 19, 2008 | Filed Under Humor

Comments

4 Responses to “Musical Jokes”

Composer Effects « A Musical Promenade on February 26th, 2008 10:06 am

[…] it extremely funny, especially when you really know these composers lives and works. Taken from: http://sdgmusic.org/directorsblog/?p=82. Good ones… Composer Effects The Mozart Effect A new report now suggests that the Mozart […]
Paul Callister on February 26th, 2008 11:43 am

It’s almost too expected, but to your list I would add, BEETHOVEN EFFECT: Child is peevish (see “A Room with a View”) and becomes a control freak.
The Schoenberg Effect? | Music, Education, and Technology on February 26th, 2008 2:57 pm

[…] the full list of jokes, click here. | Email This Post | Permalink These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can […]
dcnataro on March 1st, 2008 9:00 am

Brahms Effect, Part II: when used post-partum, the child sleeps deeply for the entire night.

First observed by GBS. Parents, take note.